


Worm Cake

by minigenos



Category: Deltarune (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, it was fun to write so I hope you enjoy reading it, this is a silly one-off crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-20 16:43:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17026362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minigenos/pseuds/minigenos
Summary: Ralsei and Lancer make a cake together. Bedlam ensues.





	Worm Cake

Ralsei sighed as he re-entered his kingdom and returned to the castle. He knew the adventure he and his friends had started on earlier that day would eventually end, and he knew Kris and Susie would have to return home to the Lightner's world. But now, his world felt so much... emptier without them.

The prince paused on the grounds where he first met the Lightners and stared down at the precisely-laid stones that created the Delta Rune symbol. He really, really wished they didn't have to leave.

There was no point in wishful thinking like that, as it would never come true anyways, so with one last wistful smile the prince looked up at his castle and began to walk forward.

“Well, nothing left to do now bu- **AAH!** ”

Before he could finish his sentence Ralsei felt a strong and familiar force strike him and propel his body many yards away. He called upon his magic as naturally as breathing to break his fall and righten himself so he could view the culprit who struck him, though it wasn't like he didn't already know who it was.

“Lancer, what was that for?!” the prince exclaimed as he did his best to glare at the new king, who was sitting quite triumphantly on his bike with a large shoulder bag strapped around his body. Thankfully he hadn't set his ride on fire this time.

“Well, butter my salsa, it's Ralsei!” Lancer smiled, acting as if 1.) that was a legitimate food combination, and 2.) he had not last seen or talked to the prince just thirty minutes ago.

Mildly annoyed but not surprised by Lancer completely ignoring his question, Ralsei huffed as he watched the king excitedly scoot back and forth on his bike. It was pretty obvious the antsy monster was waiting for the prince to ask him why he was here; any other inquiries would most likely be met with a “I bet you're wondering why I'm here, aren't ya?”

“I bet you're wondering why I'm here, aren't ya?” Lancer asked just as Ralsei managed to open his mouth to speak

“...Um, yeah,” the prince timidly replied. He didn't have it in him to tell the other monster off, especially not right now. Lancer just looked too excited, and Ralsei really didn't want to go back to being alone right now. “Why... are you here Lancer?”

“WELL! I'll tell you then!” he beamed, his unusually large teeth sticking out from his mouth. “I was getting kind of lonely, so I thought I'd come visit you!” Lancer continued as he shifted the bag to a more comfortable position, then reshifted it back because there was literally no comfortable way for him to carry something so large and heavy.

“Okay then. But don't you have a lot of work to do now that you're the king?” Ralsei was right; Lancer had quite a bit of damage control left to run.

“No worries about that! I left a very detailed audio message for all my subjects. So, if they need any instructions on what to do while I'm gone they can turn to that!” he finished with a proud thumbs-up.

The “audio message” was a continuous loop of his ten favorite “SPLAT!” sounds.

“Besides, you did say you were going to bake us cakes for being your friend,” Lancer pointed out. While it was true that Ralsei had made the promise to them, the prince honestly hadn't expected the other monster to take him up on it so soon.

“AAAND! Since it seemed to me that you might want company while you're here, what better way to entice people to come and visit – and maybe stay,” he added with what Ralsei could only assume to be a wink, even though Lancer's eyes were completely obscured by black, “than by inviting them over for a party, complete with cakes of course!”

Ralsei nodded thoughtfully at the idea. True, if he made the town a bit more enticing, then other monsters might be inclined to visit. And like Lancer said, some might very well want to stay and become his subjects.

The prince's mood notably perked up at the idea of making some new friends and the thought of his lonely little town becoming not-so-lonely anymore.

“Besides!” the king continued, “I even brought fresh ingredients for the cakes!” He gave the bag a couple solid pats, which caused the items to shift and nearly pull Lancer off his bike. The king quickly righted himself and acted as if nothing had happened, though he seemed to be sweating slightly from the near-accident that totally was not about to happen just a couple seconds ago.

“That's very nice of you,” Ralsei said, still excited over the idea of a party in his town. “What kind of ingredients did you bring?”

“All of them!” Lancer proudly exclaimed.

“A-... what?”

“All of them! I brought you all of them! All of the ingredients I could find in the castle!” The king seemed exceedingly proud of himself for his very thorough planning.

_Hoo boy_ , Ralsei thought to himself. He could already tell this was going to be quite the learning experience for both him and Lancer, especially when it came to what the latter considered to be an ingredient.

“Well, thanks? Right this way then,” Ralsei said as he bid Lancer entrance into his house. The king carefully got off of his bike and glided behind the prince, with the heavy bag somehow gliding along beside him.

“The kitchen's just over here.” The prince pointed to a set of double doors that curved upward until they met each other at a point. Inside, the kitchen was bathed in a warm yellow light supplied by the numerous hanging metal chandeliers that held ten magically-burning candles each. Bright purple counter tops were supported by darker purple cabinets that in turn were accented with dulled silver handles. A very old but meticulously-kept stove seemed to be a gathering place for the most-used pots and pans, with the smaller ones carefully stacked inside their larger counterparts. A little ways away from the stove was a large clean sink with only a single plate and fork drying on the rack beside it. Various sealed jars with their contents clearly labeled were scattered around the kitchen according to where they would be most beneficial while a door that clearly led to a root cellar held everything else the prince may need at the end of the small flight of stairs that lay behind it. Directly in the center of the kitchen island they were working at was a fancy glass cake dome set. At present there was nothing inside it.

Lancer couldn't help but notice how Ralsei's kitchen looked so... clean. Empty, but clean. The same could definitely not be said about his own kitchen back home, with its pile of dirty dishes that had been sitting around in the sink for who knows how long, the numerous burnt-through pots and pans (including the one that had embedded itself in the ceiling, hilarious story that), and the fine coating of dust that covered almost every flat surface in the place.

The king made a mental note to order some of his new subjects to start on cleaning the kitchen once he got back, but was promptly forgotten as he watched Ralsei bring out a mixing bowl and cake pan.

“Now, why don't you take out all of the... ingredients you brought, while I go and get the main ingredients for the cake,” Ralsei suggested with a smile.

“Okie dokie!” Lancer saluted. As soon as the prince's back was turned he lifted the heavy bag and in one smooth motion dumped every single jar and canister onto the counter.

Absolutely none of the “ingredients” Lancer had brought were suitable to be baked into a cake, and some weren't even suitable for consumption, **period**. The only edible item in the lot, and that was using the word loosely, was a wiggling ball of worms that had been unceremoniously stuffed into a jar.

As soon as Ralsei saw what Lancer had bought the prince had to physically hold back both tears and laughter. On one hand, he should have known Lancer would do something like this. On the other hand, it was just so outlandishly ridiculous the monster couldn't help but wonder how the king had managed being like this for so long – or at least without being corrected by someone. As soon as that thought entered his mind, the prince was reminded of what Rouxls Kaard had told them; Lancer's dad rarely ever made meals for his son, which in turn left Rouxls to pick up the slack and feed him. Aside from one or two foods, the new king likely didn't know what was and what was not a proper ingredient for the most part.

Ralsei's train of thoughts didn't make him feel any better or justified at wanting to laugh at Lancer's overtly ridiculous actions; as a matter of fact he felt even worse than before and just couldn't break the king's heart by telling him none of what he brought could be added to their cake.

“O-oh, that's... a lot of... ingredients there, Lancer,” the prince said in a slightly shaky voice.

“Yeah, well I wasn't sure what kind of cake we were gonna make, so that's why I brought everything I could find!” Lancer beamed at his own cleverness. “And don't worry; I know we can't possibly use _all_ of these, so whatever we _can't_ use we'll just save for later! Pretty smart, huh?” He finished by tapping the side of his head with his pointer finger, as if to emphasize that he was indeed smarter than the average monster.

_Oh goodness I can't let him add ANY of those to any cakes!_ Ralsei panicked to himself as his mind raced to think of something to distract the king. “Good... thinking Lancer,” he finally replied. “Buy you, ah, kind of made a mess by dumping those containers on the counter like that. Could you please pick them up and neatly arrange them?” With luck he might be able to toss a jar or two of less-dangerous substances down the drain while Lancer was distracted and say they went into the cake.

It would... probably work.

“Okie dokie!” Lancer saluted as he began carefully placing each individual canister upright in front of him. In short order he had effectively created a container-based wall between himself and the remaining jars that had rolled further along the counter.

“...oops,” Lancer whispered to himself as he stood with his tongue sticking out, staring longingly at the rest of the overturned containers.

“Hm, what is it Lancer?” Ralsei asked as he finished adding the dry ingredients to one of the mixing bowl. He turned to see the king already looking at him.

“I can't reach the other jars,” Lancer replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“You know, you can go _around_ the counter, right?”

The king made a quiet “Oh!” at the realization before dashing to the opposite side and grabbing the remaining jars two at a time, returning to the main side of the counter the two were using, placing them with the other canisters, and repeating the process until every last jar was upright and neatly displayed.

With the containers so conveniently placed, Ralsei couldn't help but sneak a peak at some of the labels as he walked by to toss out the broken egg shells.

...yeah, these things _**really**_ couldn't go into any cakes whatsoever.

“Whatcha doing now Ralsei?” Lancer asked as he looked over at the partly-filled bowls.

“I have the dry ingredients mixed together and am starting on mixing the wet ingredients together. Once that's done I'll mix the dry and wet ingredients with each other and the cake batter will be done!” the prince happily explained. By gods did he love explaining how things worked. It made him feel... special. Important. Necessary.

“That's cool when do we add some of my ingredients?” Lancer interjected before the prince could continue.

“That would be... at the very end,” Ralsei replied, trying to put on his best smile. His cooking companion seemed a little bummed out at having to wait even longer to play his part, but in the end silently returned his attention to the extra “ingredients” he had brought and fidgeted with the closest containers.

As could be expected from someone with years of experience baking, Ralsei was able to smoothly mix the separate parts of the cake mix together into the perfect-consistency batter.

“Ooh, that smells really good,” Lancer stated as he leaned over to get a good whiff of the mix. It smelled very strongly of vanilla, with a touch of something else he just couldn't quite put his finger on.

“Oh, thank you,” Ralsei beamed as he continued to mix the batter. “I added a touch of almond extract to this mix. It helps enhance the flavor of the vanilla. Now, if I was making chocolate cake, I'd-”

His exposition was cut off by a knock at the front door of the castle.

“Oh?” Ralsei excitedly chirped at the thought of more company. Maybe, just maybe, Kris or Susie had found a way back to his world and were paying him a visit!

“I-I'll go get the door. Lancer, why don't you keep mixing these ingredients until I get back. And -and don't don't add any of your own ingredients to it, ok?” The prince hastily passed the large mixing bowl over to the king, who stared at it for a second before picking up the spoon in his hand.

“Okie dokie Ralsei!” Lancer replied, but his words fell on deaf ears as Ralsei had already dashed out the main doors of the kitchen.

“Ok, so let me see if I remember what he said correctly,” Lancer dramatically said to himself as he tried to recall what the prince had said to him just a few seconds ago. “Ummm... hmmmm... he said... he said to add some of my ingredients, right?” The king nodded to himself, proud of how poorly he had remembered Ralsei's words.

“Now, what to add, what to add?” he mused while looking at the rows of containers. “A ha!” Lancer picked up the jar of worms, popped open the lid, then dumped every last slimy worm into the mix, and gently stirred the new “ingredient” in.

“Hmm, what now?” He had quite a selection to choose from. The jar of black foamy liquid? Nah. What about the container filled with white squishy orbs? Meh, he had already added the worms; those were squish enough. The squeeze bottle of sticky clear liquid? Eh, that stuff always got stuck in his fur whenever he tried to use it.

Eventually Lancer picked out a sloshy blue solution that smelled faintly like flowers, thinking that its own aroma would help further bring out the vanilla flavor like the almond extract did. He carefully opened the container and slowly dumped the contents in while doing his best to mix it into the batter.

_This cake stuff is so easy!_ He thought to himself once the entire amount of blue solution had been added and he started stirring the mix in earnest. “Man, I should start making cakes for a living.”

Lancer's moment of pride was cut short when he realized the cake mix was starting to rise well past the confines of the bowl. It's not supposed to do that, right? It also isn't supposed to be glowing a bright blue either, right?

“Eh heh heh heh, maybe cake stuff isn't so easy,” Lancer nervously chuckled to himself as the “mix” was now notably bigger than himself and continued to expand at a rapid rate.

“Where the heck is Ralsei?!” Lancer asked himself as he fled from the kitchen and hid behind one of its doors.

 

Ralsei's excitement was somewhat diminished when he opened the main doors of his castle to find Rouxls Kaard standing there instead of Kris or Susie, but the prince sucked it up and gave his newest visitor a happy smile.

“Oh, Rouxls, what are you doing here?”

“I hath come here to checke if Lancer hath beene here,” the other monster replied.

“Yeah, Lancer's here helping me make a cake,” Ralsei said. “He, um, brought a lot of “ingredients” with him too...”

“Ah, thou hast predicted mine seconde questione!” Rouxls exclaimed. “A number of mine potions hath gone missing and I hast been wondering where they wente.”

“Yeah, that was Lancer's doing,” the prince said. He felt a little bad for ratting the king out, but maybe Rouxls could help him stop Lancer from making a big mistake. “Oh, um, please come in,” Ralsei said as he bid the tall monster welcome.

“We were in the kitchen. It's right over here.” The shorter monster stopped in his tracks and gestured with his hand for Rouxls to lean down. Even though the room Lancer was presumably in was still notably far away, the prince had no idea if the king was still in said room and wanted to make sure the Duke was the only one who could hear what he said next.

“I'm... worried Lancer is going to do something really dangerous with one of those potions. I just don't have the heart to flat-out tell him no,” Ralsei whispered.

Rouxls nodded thoughtfully in turn, understanding the prince's plight.

“Do not worry thine head,” he replied in a quiet voice. “I hath dealt with this problem many times before. Leave thy probleme to me,” Rouxls finished with an audible wink.

Ralsei couldn't help himself and let out a long sigh of relief. “Oh thanks goodness! Thank you! I really, really didn't know what to do!”

“No probleme. Now, where is thine kitchene?” Rouxls asked as he looked around.

“Right this way!” the prince said with a smile as he led the Duke down the hallway.

 

The pair of monsters were mildly surprised to find Lancer standing behind the kitchen door, acting as if he was trying to hide from something. The king jumped into the air when Rouxls let out a small cough to grab his attention.

“Oh! Hey guys!” Lancer smiled as he nervously spun one of his feet around in a semicircle as he held his hands behind his back.

“Lancer, why are you standing out here acting so guilty?” Ralsei asked. “What happened? Did you drop the bowl on the ground or something?”

“...no,” the king slowly replied.

“Did you eat the batter? I know it smells really good, but it's not a good idea to eat it until-”

“I didn't do that either!” Lancer said, cutting off the prince's speech.

“Art thou acting guilty because thoust hath taketh mine potions without asking for permission firste?” Rouxls asked as he held his hands to his hips.

“Mmm...” Lancer's face twisted into a pout as he spared a quick glance back at the kitchen. Neither of the three could see the giant glowing mass that used to be the cake batter, but the king knew it was there and knew it couldn't hold itself together for too much longer.

Rouxls let out a small _tsk_ before walking forward a few feet and kneeling down to Lancer's level. “I knowest that thine intentions were good, but thou doesest knowe that taking one's itemes without their permissione is not the righte thing for a king to do.”

“Yeah, I'm sorry,” Lancer said as he looked away from Lesser Dad, knowing full well the result of his actions was on display in the very next room.

“Well, now that thoust understands thine error, let us pack up and head backe home. Thou subjects are waiting and cannot continue taking orders frome a bunche of splat sounds.” Rouxls stood up to head into the kitchen. Had his eyes been open he would have been able to clearly see why going into the room was a very, very bad idea.

_HOO BOY!_ Lancer thought as he tried to reach out and stop Lesser Dad, but his reach was just a touch too short and a second too late.

“W-w-wait,” he tried yelling out, but was quickly stopped by Rouxls.

“No. We art going home and that is final,” the duke said immediately before the glowing blue ex-cake batter mass finally reached its critical mass and abruptly exploded a thick layer of vanilla and almond-scented blue foam onto _every_ unprotected surface around it, including Rouxls and the wall immediately behind him.

 

 

Some monsters say that on a clear night, if you close your eyes and listen _really_ closely, you can still hear the faint echoes of Rouxls Kaard's anguished screams from that fateful day.

 

Other monsters say if you stand on the fifth floor of the Card Castle and breathe deeply, you can still catch a faint whiff of the vanilla and almond scent that was said to linger on Kaard's person for weeks following the incident.

 

 

There wasn't much Ralsei or Lancer could do as Rouxls Kaard disappeared from their sight, trailing the sweet-smelling foam behind him. The prince could only get out a quick “the bathroom is down the hall and to the left!” but he wasn't sure if the Duke could hear him over all the screaming. Well, he'd find a body of water eventually.

Hopefully.

 

At least the foam didn't seem to be toxic to monsters. Or the worms, who were happily wiggling about in the blue mass. That was one good thing about it.

But with Rouxls temporarily out of the way Ralsei turned his attention to Lancer, who rightfully looked as guilty as sin.

“I-I-,” the king stammered out. His voice shook as he tried to hold back tears. As upset as Ralsei was at his guest, he really, really didn't want him to make a bad situation worse by crying.

“Hey, hey,” Ralsei whispered as he held his hands out in a non-aggressive manner to try calming Lancer down.

“I'm sorry Ralsei. I really messed up this time,” Lancer cried. “I didn't mean to hurt you or Lesser Dad. I just wanted to help and show that I was a really good and cool friend.” Despite the monster's best efforts, tears had started streaming from the black patch on his face.

“It's... it's alright Lancer. I know you didn't do it out of malice. I forgive you.” Ralsei gently hugged the crying king in an attempt to comfort him.

“You do?”

“Yes.”

“Really yes?”

“Yes, really.”

Lancer stood still for a handful of seconds before abruptly bounding out of the prince's arms, causing Ralsei to get knocked back onto his rear.

“OK I feel better now!” Lancer exclaimed in midair as he held all of his limbs out as far as they could go. The king landed with a soft splat next to the foam that was laying on the floor outside the kitchen.

“Don't worry about your kitchen Ralsei,” the king said as he peeked into the room in question. “I'll just send a cleaning crew to clean it up for you!”

The scent alone was heavily overpowering from where they were standing outside the kitchen; no doubt it was strong enough around the epicenter of the blast to knock a weaker monster unconscious.

For the first time since the blast, Ralsei leaned over and took a look into his destroyed kitchen to assess exactly how bad the damage was.

To his complete and utter unamazement, it was pretty dang bad.

EVERYTHING was coated in the blue foam. The prince dreaded wondering if his ancient appliances could even be saved. And, would his kitchen now be tinted this shade of blue forever? And was he going to be greeted forever by the smell of vanilla and almonds every time he entered the room?

The prince was so caught up in his thoughts he didn't notice Lancer had leaned precariously over the edge of the foam to also have a quick look inside the kitchen.

Just then an overburdened chunk of the ceiling gave way and crashed onto the floor with a loud, wet _**SPLAT!**_ , causing the two to jump slightly in surprise.

“Make that two cleaning crews,” Lancer added as he held up the pointer and middle fingers on one of his hands to make a small “v.”

 

With the reappearance of a very soaked and pleasant-smelling Rouxls Kaard, the trio made their way back outside to the castle entrance. It looked to Ralsei like he would be camping outside for the foreseeable future; not a bad idea per se. Maybe he could get ahold of some Dark Candies and roast them over a magical fire. The prince's mouth began salivating at the thought of delicious, warm roasted Dark Candies.

“Hey Ralsei,” Lancer said meekly, dragging the other monster from his own thoughts.

“Yes, what is it, Lancer?”

“I just wanted to say that I really am sorry about what I did. I didn't listen to you and now you don't have a kitchen – Which I promise I'll fix for you!” he quickly added to assure Ralsei he hadn't forgotten about his promise. “I wasn't acting very king-ly and I really want to make it up to you one day once things are better, ok?”

Ralsei knew what Lancer did was pretty serious and not something a mere apology could fix, but...

Lancer _did_ sound sincere about what he said and, well, the prince really didn't want to stay mad at someone that made such a promise to do better next time.

“Ok Lancer. That sounds nice,” Ralsei replied with a kind smile.

“Great!” the king exclaimed. “If you ever need to use a kitchen while yours is getting cleaned, feel free to come over and use mine! Nobody else uses it anyways! And I promise I'll keep all the explodey ingredients locked up safe!” Most likely he would have Rouxls Kaard lock everything up, but before either Ralsei or Rouxls could get a word in edge-wise Lancer was already racing away on his bike, leaving all of the potions he had brought abandoned in the uninhabitable kitchen.

“GOD DAMN IT GET BACK HERE!!” Rouxls yelled out as he ran after his king. Before he completely disappeared from view, the Duke stopped and turned back to Ralsei, giving the lonely monster a quick wave goodbye before resuming his chase.

 

Ralsei waved goodbye to the monsters, knowing full well neither of them could see him at this point, then turned his attention back to the castle. He made a mad dash inside to grab a couple of blankets, a pillow, and some Dark Candies he had stashed up in his room, then returned back to the front courtyard before the smell could overwhelm him.

As the prince sat outside and looked up into the sky, he couldn't help but wonder what Kris and Susie were doing. What their world looked like. Was their night sky a deep magenta with silver stars like the one in his world? What was their food like? Their plants? Did their trees grow healing items too? By the gods what Ralsei would give to spend some more time with them, even if it was only for a little while.

The prince went to bed underneath the silver stars thinking about his friends back in the World of Light. Maybe tomorrow he'd make the trek west to where they had first appeared, or as far as his body could go, just to check it out and see what he could see. Heck, maybe some other monsters wouldn't mind accompanying him.

 

He hadn't expected his traveling companions for the day (courtesy of King Lancer the Excellente) to be able to trace Kris's path _all the way back_ to the beginning. And he _certainly_ hadn't expected to find trace amounts of energy from the portal that brought his friends into this world.

 

It would take a little bit of time, but with some tenacity and luck...

 

...Ralsei would be able to visit his friends in the World of Light.

 

**Author's Note:**

> No worms or Rouxls Kaards were harmed in the making of this fanfic.
> 
>  
> 
> Also, this segues into Visitor if you haven't read that yet.


End file.
